


Dreaming

by Nny11



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxious!Adora, F/F, For Once it's Adora Doing the Pining, Gift Fic, Gift Work, Light Angst, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21950152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nny11/pseuds/Nny11
Summary: Even when you're next to meIt's not the way I’m picturingI'm just feeling low, feeling lowYou wanna be friends forever?I can think of something betterI'm just feeling low, feeling low
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra One Sided
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	Dreaming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TypoShifter (Weezelness)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weezelness/gifts).



> Merry Christmas [Typoshifter!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weezelness/pseuds/TypoShifter) And don't forget you requested I write angst for your gift! :D
> 
> Based on Hayley Kiyoko's song [ SLEEPOVER](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6jxPFtIAnw).

She knows that it’s foolish, she knows she needs to let it go. Curled up on her bed with her face buried in Catra’s hair, Adora knows she  **has** to let it go. So of course she holds tighter. Scoots closer. Breathes deeper.

It’s amazing how lonely someone can feel when they’re not alone.

The memories play in her head on a loop. Not even older ones, some of the most powerful ones, just from today. Catra had come to visit her at uni as a birthday surprise. Adora had been shocked and ecstatic, and desperate to remind herself that this didn’t mean Catra loved her. At least not like that.  _ A flash of a moment, seeing Catra’s eyes turn sad and unsure. _ She wouldn’t think about the older ones, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t.  _ Sitting in the bathroom so the shower would drown out her crying. _ Today was a good day and she was going to be happy about it damn it! As if her denial to relive it brought it forth, Adora could only think of how scared she’d been to leave.

_ “But what if I do this, and I move away, and-and, what if, Catra, what if?” Adora was shaking, talking too fast. Eyes brimming with tears as she tried to express herself. God she needed to shut up, she needed to shut up! _

_ Catra sat. Quiet and patient as always, holding her hands with a concerned look in her eyes and a small encouraging smile on her face. _

_ “It’s so stupid. I’m so  _ **_stupid_ ** _ ,” Adora couldn’t keep that gaze. God, what she would give for Catra to kiss her right now. _

_ But Catra didn’t. She shifted until their legs were slotted together, and pulled until their foreheads were touching. Her voice unimaginably soft for how sarcastic she was. “You’re not stupid, stupid.” _

_ Adora chuckled, the sound choppy between her too deep breaths. She couldn’t have a meltdown here. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t! Just say the words, which words, THE words. “Shut up dummy. I just...I just, I, uhm, this really is stupid, but, what if...what if you don’t love me anymore?” _

_ Catra had wrapped her up in a hug, whispering in her ear. “Okay you were right, that was stupid. We’re best friends Adora. We’re gonna be friends forever, a thousand miles or not! I promise.” _

_ And she knew that. She did. She just wished when she said love that Catra heard what she meant. The miles between Love and love. _

Catra had meant it, she didn’t make promises easily. She’d written and called and almost been a bother when finals rolled around. But she’d worked hard to keep them in contact and friends, even when Adora had sometimes wished they weren’t. She already felt bad, but it never failed to make her feel worse when she imagined the world where Catra was her girlfriend. Like a voyeur looking through a window, she couldn’t stop herself. Even when she should have just been present.

The dream world where Catra hadn’t just surprised her outside of her last final for the semester, breath leaving her wreathed in white clouds and a smile so bright it could power the sun. The fake reality where Catra hadn’t just run and jumped on her, expecting Adora to catch her. The perfect reality where Catra had cupped her face gently in her hands, her long curly hair like a curtain blocking out the white of the snow and the sound of the world before she kissed her. Gentle and long and sweet. Adora could have held Catra up forever for that kiss, for the imagined look in Catra’s eyes as they pulled back. 

Soft and warm and eternal.

Instead Adora had caught her and the two had laughed and hugged like the world was ending. Adora kind of hated herself for how that wonderful moment, so perfect when it happened, now paled compared to some fantasy she couldn’t let go of.

They’d gone to her dorm, Adora was not about to roam around with her backpack still on and comfortable test outfit, thanks. Seeing when Catra pulled off her cap, it had almost killed her. Catra’s face flush from the cold and her hair frizzing up from the wool. Adora had changed into better clothes and laughed at what Catra had considered winter ready. They’d pawed through her suitcases and Adora helped her get an outfit ready that Catra wouldn’t bitch about being freezing in after a few minutes. She’d changed and then snickered again at Catra’s awful hat hair. It hadn’t been a conscious thought as she’d grabbed her own brush and pulled it through Catra’s soft hair. The smell of shampoo hitting her nose with each pass, and Catra not even startling or asking. Like this was the most natural place in the world. Sitting straighter with a hum as her eyes slipped closed in the vanity mirror.

It killed her to tug Catra by the hand for a whole afternoon on a tour of campus, the way they’d linked arms part way through as they walked.

_ “Hey,” Catra tugged lightly on their arms, stopping her and turning in, “Are you okay Adora?” _

_ Adora couldn’t even muster a proper panic over the fact that Catra had noticed. “I’m...I’ve just been off recently. Don’t worry about it. Finals you know?” _

_ But Catra, kind as she’d always been to her, was clearly already worried. “You wanna talk about it?” _

_ She pictured it for a moment. Saying the words, ‘Sure, I’m madly in love with and have been since probably forever and I know you’ll never feel that way about me so it kind of feels like I’m dying when I see you and it really feels like dying when I don’t. Anyways, what’s up with you?’. _

_ “Nah,” Adora smiled, elbowing Catra hard enough to send the smaller woman stumbling. “I promise I’ve got it on lock.” _

_ Catra had smirked, “Oh yeah? That’s how you want to play this huh?” _

Revenge for the elbowing had resulted in a harder shove, which led to them somehow getting into a massive snowball fight. They’d ended up rolling through the snow, locked into an epic battle of screeching and yelping and panting. It ended with Adora flat on her back with Catra straddling her, jamming snow into her face as she’d begged for mercy. Laughing and laughing, and dying.

She could picture it. The moment Catra let her guard down to throw her head back and laugh, Adora could have flipped them. She could have looked down at Catra’s surprised face perfectly framed between her arms. She could see it perfectly, the way Catra’s pupils would have blown wide as she smiled. In a perfect world the way she could have leaned down and kissed her. They would have started laughing half way through, but it wouldn’t ruin the kiss even if it ended it.

Instead she’d accepted Catra’s outstretched hand. _ “Now c’mon Adora, get up, you look stupid down there.” _

They’d gotten coffee and soups to go, and huddled in Adora’s dorm the rest of the night. Plans were easily made over where to go during Catra’s four days in town, places to see, people to meet, things to try. Adora wanted to show her everything wonderful here. She wanted to beg her to just move out here, to just stay here, to just be with her forever. Instead Adora lamented how short their time together was with a very put on pout to get a laugh. Catra leaning into her and promising to come out more often now that she was able to.

The benefits of working full time apparently meant annual leave. It meant they’d finally get to hang out again. It meant a lot, just not enough. She fought her own frustrations the whole night. No breakdowns, no meltdowns, just having fun with her favorite person in the world. Why couldn’t she just be grateful for that? That after two years, she could now see Catra more frequently in person again. She was grateful. She was excited about it! She just…

Adora closed her eyes as Catra squirmed in her arms. Mumbling something unintelligible before settling back into sleep. Her heart pounded and she didn’t cry, and Adora hadn’t ruined this yet. There was no forcing a romance that wouldn’t work, she knew that. She  **did** . It just wasn’t fair how it left her feeling so empty when she should feel whole. So low when she should be shouting from the rooftops. It hurt.

She breathed in and let it out slowly. She would just learn to live with the pain. Soothing herself with a balm that could only ever make it worse. 

Eyes still shut she let herself imagine a different, perfect world.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream with me on [tumblr](nny11writes.tumblr.com), I'm always accepting asks and prompts!


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